...dirty feet and a wide open mind.

sunday.

- I love this post on The Storque by Pikaland. Good stuff to chew on.

- ipods are genius! My brother gave Neil and I his older (goodness I feel ridiculous saying that... when did a year or two suddenly make electronics old?) ipod nanos since he purchased an iphone. They're so brilliant! I've never had an mp3 player before (wait... should I say media player?), so I should be saying that mp3 players are brilliant.
You get to carry your music with you - everywhere. Genius.
Martha Stewart once wrote in an article that tiny earbuds were just terrible for the longevity of our hearing (or something to that effect) and I totally agreed with her. But... it's just... so cool.
I'm know. I'm late to the party. Let me enjoy this.

- This old blog is going to look a bit plain for awhile. You may have noticed over the past few months that I've been working on redesigning things around here. Been trying lots of different things, but to be honest I don't know much more than basic html here and there so I'm pretty limited! I know the opportunity for learning is everywhere online, but I have grand plans in my head and actually do have those types of classes in my future at school, but not quite yet. I finally decided to give in and work with someone, so this space should be all shiny and pretty very soon!

- The other day I stepped on a snail. I was in my socks, outside to photograph a layout. I stepped right out the door and heard a crunch. At first I assumed it was an acorn, but then realized it was so soft. Thinking about it, I called for Neil. He ran over and was immediately startled since I already had tears in my eyes. I told him I might have killed a snail. He picked it up and said, no, just the shell. But what does a snail then do for a shell?? Neil moved the snail away, under the steps.
But I'm pretty sure that the dog went right over and scarfed it down.
And yes, I cried a bit. I just felt pretty terrible about it.
I got all kinds of emotional when I accidentally stepped on a tiny frog the same way. It's just a bit startling!
and sad.

- Absolutely crazy about Sabrina Ward Harrison's products for PAPAYA! Crazy about their products anyways, but the journals by Sabrina... swoonworthy really. I am hopeful to get some for gifts this holiday season.

- I've started missing blueberries like crazy. I think one of my food goals for next year will be to buy extra so I can freeze them and enjoy them all year round. We have the advantage of a huge freezer in the garage so I think I'll be studying a bit about food preservation for next year.
I would also love a little handful of these:

don't get me wrong - I'm really loving learning to eat seasonally and locally, but I do miss some fresh market fruit!

- alright, back to the craft room for me - I've got piles of overdue (for me...) projects to sort through and work on... and I would really love to see a clean desk so I can start on some more!

sunday.

- I've had to put babyproof locks on a couple of my low cabinets. because of my cats. I've had to babyproof my house from my cats. Little jerks. The latches on these cabinets are not too sturdy and the cats have figured out how to use their paws to yank them open, giving them access to their food, the trash, plus cleaning supplies (mostly vinegar but still). Awesome. To keep them from an untimely death (me murdering them) we have babyproof locks.

- This girl is going to give me a big head.

- I am a tad obsessed right now with keeping my etsy favorites tidy and updated. Why in the world do I waste my time? No idea. Well, I have some idea... distraction. organizational freak. insanity. you pick.

- I have the dirtiest secret ever: I have 12 unused scrapbooking kits. Sitting in a basket. Looking at me with sad eyes. One is from January. Thank goodness I have to use my Vintage Plum kits otherwise that number would be much higher. I'm working on a plan to tackle them. And all the half finished classes I bought last year. Will blog about this later.

- Saturday after the most INSANE day ever, my aunt and I found an abandoned, injured kitten in her bushes. I just knew you wanted to see him/her so here he/she is:

(cell phone pic)
Paw was hurt and he/she was just starving. Luckily my aunt knew of a lady would be happy to take him/her and take him/her to the vet right away. *phew*
Because Neil would really kill me for bringing another cat home. Especially since he's still cussing out those babyproof locks whenever he needs something in the kitchen.

- Feeling very stressed about money. Trying to stay on the plan. Trying to earn more. Like everyone else I suppose.

- I've been doing a grain free, dairy free and sugar free (by that I mean, sugar, corn syrups, sweetners, etc. I do consume agave nectar, maple syrup and honey) thing for the past few days. And sticking to it pretty dang well, I think I just finally got my head in the right place. Feeling so good. And then of course reading around blog land that everyone is trying/doing a detox of some sort right now. Which makes me want to stop. But I'm doing this because it's how I should be eating anyways. It's not temporary. I will say, I would not last long without my Coconut Bliss ice cream (dairyfree, gluten free, soy free and sweetened with agave nectar). It's summer. I need ice cream. Or fake ice cream. It's amazing stuff.

- Needing summer clothes. Like two weeks ago. Ugh.

sunday.

(yes, this posted late, I was having some trouble with typepad last night!)

- No list this time... we spent Saturday night and most of Sunday down at Truman lake, in a cabin right on the water. No really, it was one in a few literally built on the water, with the docks right outside the doors.

(you would have thought I'd have taken more photos of the water since we spent most our time on it, but I didn't... I'm insane.)

It was lovely and maybe too short, but still appreciated and needed. My brain feels refreshed and refocused.

and that is so good.

sunday.

- Wedding yesterday:

- I'm late on this - but after watching the preview episode, I'm so excited to watch Glee in the fall. Can't believe I am, it's not even science fiction! I just don't usually get really excited about t.v...

- I told Neil the other day when we get married again that I'm going to wear this dress. He coughed and choked on the price and then said "we're getting married again?". Uggghhhh. Work with me husband. work with me.

- Did you know True Blood starts again on the 14th? (another something about t.v. - what is wrong with me??)

- last night Neil and I went by my aunt and cousin's sand volleyball game. She's played most of my life and I've never seen her play before. It looked immensely fun. I think school probably scarred me from ever playing sports, especially volleyball, but still. BBQ after with the family. A great way to end the day.

- tired. and not much left to say. doing that daily photo thing below covers the cleaning and my new tomato plant friend.

sunday.

- i brought it back baby. i missed it. i need a place for all my random blog thoughts. I keep changing my mind as to how I want to blog. Neil would call it something else, but I won't share that because it's inappropriate and makes me sound crazy. I've been readying lots and lots of artful blogging lately though and it's good stuff.

- i've been lurking hanging out again at two peas, after months and months of not even visiting the site. I ended up there when I was looking for some sassafras lass paper. then found this gallery of garden seeds from garden girl jennifer johner and i'm so in love. anytime anyone uses bits and pieces of paper like this, i pay close attention. so I have a new scrap crush.. her blog is so cute too!

- Does anyone have any ideas for where to go or who to contact about getting a custom quilt made? I am wanting one for my bed, nothing fancy I don't think, but I'm wanting it soon. And I know, I could finally try to learn myself... and I just might but I'm wanting to start smaller when I do and like I said, I'm wanting to get something nice on my bed soon.
Whenever I go into the bedroom, the bedding is such an eyesore, and we've actually some nice decor going on in there!
I tried looking on etsy, but I always get frustrated with etsy's search function.

- one of these days, I really will get caught up on blogs. I have been doing it slowly though. sooooo slowly. I need a couple hours of serious blog reading/commenting time. I should go pencil that in. somewhere.

- vintage plum's June kit comes out tomorrow. be there or be square.

- Saturday I went with Neil, TOM and Kaylyn to see "up". It was, well, I've been saying delightful, which seems to be one of those words that after you say it, someone else says "who says delightful?". But it was. delightful.
My favorite little detail are the older couple's living room chairs. Go see it so you know what I'm talking about. It was just terribly cute and romantic to me for some reason.
Kaylyn did pretty well throughout the movie, and once it ended, dumped out an entire cup of skittles on the floor. Which she had to pick back up. Well, then, without thinking I snatched a handful and after chewing something chocolaty realized she may not have just picked up skittles. awesome.

- I always wonder if the grammar lovers have a fit reading my blog with all my indecision capitalizing words. among other things. lovely.

- oh! something else. love all of these rooms. I'm so obsessed with white and wood. it's so strange since I LOVE color, but these rooms just seem so calming to me.

- time for bed. be back tomorrow with vintage plum goodness.

sunday.

- April!!!!!

- My junior year of highschool a girl in my math class and I had a mutual friend. I asked this friend about her and he said, "oh, she hates you."
"What? why?"
"Well, she says you always look so depressed and it's annoying."
And I thought about it, and I couldn't figure it out.... seriously the only class we had together was math and I was usually asleep in math (hey, it's math, I'm terrible at math and it was my first hour which was probably after a night of staying up way too late sneaking a conversation with my boyfriend on the phone.)
I try to think about this sometimes, when I pass quick judgments on people... I'm probably way off.

- twilight related: am I one of the only people in the world who actually liked Bella Swan's character? Because I did and I do. I have to stop reading reviews. But I freely admit it, I adored Bella and in a lot of ways felt like I could relate to her (I'm not talking the whole wolf, vampire situation, I'm not that delusional). I don't get the mass "Bella has no personality, life, etc. etc. etc." opinions. Bella is, above many, many, many other things the main reason for my serious love of Twilight. go ahead, get out your digital pitchforks. Or just brand me .... well, whatever nastyness you must brand me.

- This cracks me up.

- Watched Pan's Labyrinth the other night and it was just... wow. I really wanted to cry at the end and I wasn't sure why because I felt good about the end. And yet, something inside me just wanted to bawl. Very beautiful film.

- Does anyone else find it's much easier to keep up with people's creativity over at flickr than anywhere else? I use my google reader to keep up with flickr so that probably helps, but I have such trouble keeping up with other sites and their galleries - which bums me out! Having said that - if you post layouts and other lovely creations over at flickr, let me know so I can add you!

- Friday was a lovely day - spent the entire day with my aunt Dixie. We took a little drive over to the local buffalo ranch to get our easter brisket, my dad some steak and other goodies. Then a visit to my aunt's daycare to see her, my grandma and cousins. Late lunch at Spin Pizza. Most of our time was spent driving though, from one place to the other. Lots of good conversation. I needed a day like that, it cheered me up so immensely.

- We had buffalo dogs tonight for dinner. I'm happy to report that Neil did not over do it this time. Though, to be fair, he did just start digging into a pint of Ben and Jerry's so my report may be premature. Mint chocolate cookie though, I can't blame him.

- It's so rainy here. and cold. Not spring rainy either - cold wintery rain. I love rain of all kinds, but it is April now, so I would prefer some spring rain.

- this is just the best.

- yeahhhh... Neil just finished the whole pint. scratch him not overdoing it.

sunday.

- I love distress stickles. I love stickles anyways (who doesn't, it's essentially glitter glue, and who doesn't love being transported back to kindegarten craft classes and glitter glue!) but these are so up my alley. I'm not sure really how to describe them, but I actually distress is the right word. They're so gritty and earthy. The texture is awesome. They are almost, chunky! I would say they are more muted than normal stickles, but I just mean as far as the glittery-ness is concerned. The colors are still fantastic. Where as before I would just randomly get new stickles once in awhile, I never EVERY SINGLE ONE of these colors. now. ahem.

- we made buffalo burgers for dinner tonight. topped with bacon, onions and parmesan cheese. I made some french fries to go with, but I wasn't feeling them. Neil ate three burgers and all the fries pluse two pickles and a bottle of juice. Which totaled to one pound of buffalo, 1/4 pound of bacon and one pound of potatoes. yeah. I know I should be that wife that is patting his back and taking care of him... but all I can really do right now is laugh as he moans and groans on the bed. He keeps saying "why did you let me do that?"

- I've been in an awfully apathetic mood this week. I keep fighting it. So much is going on that I need to feel for and I want to feel for. In therapy we're touching on little details, little events, things that happened and built up. They sting so much and it's painful. And every single time, the pain is so surprising. Things that shouldn't be such a big deal, or I was told weren't such a big deal, they hurt so much. So everything else, I want to keep it at bay. So, feeling the good things happening lately means I also feel the pain from therapy. I know it's necessary, but my brain automatically tries to resist.

- I may have still not beaten Neil at chess since we've started playing regularly BUT I have captured his queen all times but two so I'm considering that good.

sunday.

- It's not actually Sunday. It's Monday. But if this is the first time since I started doing this three months ago that I'm late, I refuse to feel bad about it.

- So while you read this, just let your mind go back in time and pretend like it's yesterday, a nice, lazy Sunday.

- I received a lovely package from my secret sister over at SIStv. I signed up for this swap last year and so was excited to do it again this year. I got some new Basic Grey Marrakkech! And new Sassafras Lass! And glitter... ooohhh glitter. So much yummy stuff, papers, trims.... her handmade items were a lovely little giraffe patterned felt clutch and a yellow and gray hair bow!

Here's a layout I made thursday night with some of the art glitter and a sheet of the BG paper:

I love painting with glitter. Love it. To be honest with you, I may redo this page. Well, just the journaling part. I love the quote and I love the page but I hate how I did the journaling. It's really bugging me. I've heard before that you should just let things like that go and leave layouts alone after you're done, but I don't do that. If I want to change stuff, I just change it. To each their own.

And here is the amazing hair bow:

(please excuse my subway hair and general look of tiredness, this was right after work.) Yeah, Kaylyn stole it away from me yesterday and wore it around the house for about an hour. Not on the side of her head though, right in the front, on top of her forhead. She looked like a present. I need to go dig through her room and steal it back... along with the clutch!

- If you follow me on twitter or facebook then you know that Friday I said I was working on a video blog. Well, I was. And I tried. But I can't get the video to work on my computer for some reason. Which is a problem I've never had before. And by this time, it's way old, since I referenced the first day of spring and having a happy Saturday.
I need a better video camera for it I'm thinking.... and I will try again!

- A couple weeks ago we watched the movie Transamerica. I kept meaning to blog about and just now remembered. I loved it. I love "ugly" stories that are really truly beautiful. I love honest looks at people, and honesty in relationships, even when it's not what anyone actually wants. Felicity Huffman did such a good job playing Bree.

- Did you see the latest prompt at The Art is Found? Watercolors! See... I told you I would do it again!! We are taking a little (spring) break after this prompt, so you have plenty of time to get this one done. And seriously, who doesn't love using watercolors? I'm seriously thinking somebody should do a fingerpainting project.... The next prompt will be up April 13th.

- And right now over at Scrapmojo we're also taking a little break while Marie handles the amazing task of going through all the design team apps. The annoucement is Wed. (edit 3/26: That was wrong, I'm sorry.) March 31st!! The newest prompt will be up on the 5th of April.

- Neil and I have been listening to lots of Kings of Leon this week. It just depends on who has my car, since that's where the cd is. I have to say, when I get my car the day after he's taken it, I love when the cd starts playing and I know that he was listening to it.

- Happy Monday... and if you're reading this post like I told you to, then Happy Sunday ;).

sunday.

- I had a dream last night that I was dating Robert Pattinson. I should say more than that, but like most dreams, it was odd and kind of more like watching a movie I was starring in or something.
Some dreams really do feel quite real to me, but this one didn't at all.
That's probably good right?
I should tell Neil before he reads this.... or the teasing will be merciless.

- My brother's black lab Jazz is staying with us for a week. I woke up this morning to find her huge body half on top of mine, her paws digging into my back and her head on top of my head. Neil took photos and Skye (our brittany) got very jealous of the whole thing.
I will post the photos as soon as I get my phone working.

- Did you know my phone is not working? So don't call me. Because you can't.

- The lease to our current place is up July 1st. Neil and I have been kinda looking around for a new place. We went back to our old apartment building and found out our old apartment is available. She even let us take a look and check out the updates she's done. But she wanted to rent it out by next month, and we just can't do that.
I'm kinda bummed. That building is sooo old, right next to downtown which means I could walk to the fairs and the art walks and the farmers markets and concerts and ugggghghghgh.
It's only got ten apartments, and they aren't huge or glamorous. The tenants are pretty much lifers except for the couple apartments that go up for rent once in awhile. The floors are wood. The kitchen is tiny. So much personality though.
I would really love to live there again.
We can always check back with her in June I guess, but still, a bit bummed.

- I think this nightgown is gorgeous. I used to dream about being someone that could buy lots of pretty and lacy nightgowns from Victorias Secret, but I think gowns like that one from etsy are much more my type.

- I love that I can have my favorite etsy sellers in a feed in my google reader. I could never keep up otherwise.

- I want to learn how to quilt. I have a Red Velvet lap quilt pattern from last year that I still haven't attempted.... and this pattern from kelly mccaleb is just lovely too.

- So, I think we're going to have breakfast with my grandma and aunt in a couple hours. Must go drag myself into the shower.....

- everyone have a lovely and lazy sunday!

sunday.

- I need a narwhal. to be more specific, this narwhal.

- I'm more than slightly irritated lately that I can't listen to certain bands and songs without being totally annoyed thanks to a couple ex boyfriends. Don't you hate that exes can totally ruin something for you? Actually, it would be fine, since I don't like the songs/artists anyways, but the radio at work keeps playing this stuff and I want to kick it. If I knew where it was. I think it's in the wall somewhere, I haven't discovered that part of the store yet.

- I want to do a post about things I shouldn't say about myself but will anyways.

- I also want to do a post about what I want my future "home" to look like. I've been finding tons and tons of stuff online lately that I've loved. I'm taking this as a good sign, since we plan on moving soon.

- Friday at work my boss kindly bought us all lunch from Chilis. I have to be careful eating out usually, so I just had him get me some fries and cinnamon apples. When he got back, he joked about my order and said "if that ain't country...". I started to argue but then I was like... oh, wait... fries and cinnamon apples... that actually is pretty country.

- my brother came over last night and Neil told me around midnight that he'd be coming to bed around one. I woke up at 5 to an empty bed and go out to the living room to find him playing xbox in the dark with my brother passed out on the other end of the couch. Nice.

- I haven't taken any photos since the new year and it's making me crabby.

sunday.

- March. MARCH?

- Watching Lord of the Rings: Return of the King with Neil. I love me some Aragorn. And Legolas. And Arwen. really, I love all of them. except that nasty Gollum. Funny he may have been, but he was too tricksy for me.

- Finally getting over a cold I've had since Monday. The very worst part of the last three colds I've had is that every morning I have to wake up and cough all the junk out of chest. And what really sucks is that, once I even stir or slightly open my eyes, it's time. No trying to fall back asleep. I just start coughing and hacking like an old man who's smoked for 40 years. Well, I imagine anyways.

- I love Cakies blog. And that her daughters are named Brave and True. Those names just stole my heart as soon as I read them. Absolutly the best names ever. And this post is magic.

- These paintings by Sarah Bowen are so yummy. seriously. And I'm not ashamed to say they inspired my project for newest TAIF prompt coming soon. I remember I used to sketch and paint in my downtime... now it's all scrapping related things. I should pick up a pencil more. The pages in my journals are just as available for that as anything else.

- Found a new kit club through Hambly's blog. Vintage Plum is quite a cute little place, selling kits that contain only american made scrapbook product. very cool. I have to say, I have a lot of hope for a better global economy, for fairer trade, better standards of labor. I believe in doing what I can to support those beliefs. And I also believe in supporting american made, american labor. These are kind of blanket statements, but I don't want to get much more into it, we all know how I can ramble, and this is something I never shut up about. I hope what I mean is clear. :)

- I'm in a groove with working. I'm on the schedule now and it's apart of my routine and everything is going well. I keep looking for the anxiety, keep holding my breath and waiting for it to come. So far it hasn't. The ease to my days lately is astonishing to me. I'm saving my own life.

- I scrapped most of the weekend. We have snow up to our ears and I've spent the last couple of days (other than a few hours of work) making new pages and trying my hand at some supplies I would not have normally picked up at first glance. I'm happy with the results though.

- Ok, Frodo is quite close to his destination and I'm losing focus on this post so it's time to say goodnight!

sunday.

- here we are. the last sunday of February already. wow.

- on a scrapbooking note, I am head over heels in love with the new Basic Grey lines Marrakech and Porcelain. I was browsing the site the other day and I realized, I really really really have always loved Basic Grey. How had I never realized this before? They've always been in the background of my supplies, but they are ALWAYS there. So that was my little love letter to BG. I have to get my hands on some Marrakech and Porcelain soon.

- friday morning (I should say morning because I know it was after Neil left for work) I dreamt about being at a big family sleepover and using this camera. I think for sure that it's something I will be buying quite soon with my"dani has a little extra cash due to her new job and awesome budgeting skills" money.

- two weeks ago, I watched the movie "Barn Yard" with Kaylyn (where the male cows are male COWS, not bulls. They even have udders.... which pretty much ruined the whole movie for me) and one of the main characters said this:
"A strong man stands up for himself, a stronger man stands up for others."
like that.

- I have been craving salad like crazy this week. I love a big huge salad that lasts for three or four days. Neil still says a good salad doesn't need a $6 bag of pinenuts but we will just always have to agree to disagree on that one.

- on that note I am very excited for spring and farmers markets and more fresh fruits and veggies.

- I'm pretty positive that I need to keep a months supply of Coconut Creme Pie Lara Bars on hand at all times.

- A post of some of my layouts received best of 2008 over at Craftster. (you have have to scroll down quite a bit to see my project in the scrapbooking section). I don't post and share over there as much as I should BUT seriously, I loooove craftster. I knew craftster before anything else.

- Mrs. Meyers Basil Laundry Detergent and laundry sheets are an answer to my laundry prayers. I'm not kidding. That stuff makes my laundry smell so yummy and clean. I love clean bed sheet day now.
The thing is - I always used to think I was so sensitive to scent. That I would always have to buy the sensitive, non smelling version of everything because smells would irritate me so much.
Turns out... I'm just sensitive to nasty chemicals. (duh!)
And there's a whole world of non-nasty products that make my life smell so dang good.

- Since notes are taking over facebook and I have fallen prey to their cure for boredom, here is my favorite answer to my most recent note (which was a survey, which is all I ever post in notes.):
68. Careers in mind? making pretty things? taking pretty pictures? professional wife and love goddess?

- I can't get enough of Thinking of You by Katy Perry. I have a mad crush on Katy Perry. And her crazy fruit props and dresses. She's just.... perfection.

sunday.

- After the week I had I should have a tons more to say, but right now, my only thoughts for today are this little girl who came to visit and brought her mama and daddy too!

I'll be back with much more tomorrow!

sunday.

- I finally talked to Pastor Mitch and straightened out the phone calls.

- I *think* and I'm not totally sure about this but I think I may go back into the world of sandwich making. I'm really wanting to work a bit more, but nothing stressful, actually, I would prefer mindnumbing. I'm wanting to take some more in depth photography courses and need the funds. I'm kind of excited about it. And surprised by my sudden desire. I'm taking it as a good sign.

- I never remember to put the first "r" in the word surprised. I always type it "suprised". Thanks for the help firefox.

- Two days ago was one of my very best friends birthdays. My aunt Dixie is probably one of the kindest, genuine and under appreciated people I know. She's one of a kind and I love her so much.

- Tuesday will be my dad and my brother Dustin's birthday. Actually, I know quite a few people with that birthday.

- Monday will be six years since Neil and I had our first "date". It wasn't really meant to be a date, but it sort of turned out like one. I went into it just wanting to see an old friend and very wary of any possible romantic feelings. Neil tried to kiss me and I wouldn't let him and he ended up kissing my ear.
Which, in just a few days when we really started dating, made getting to the actual kissing part very awkward. He was afraid I would refuse him and I was way too shy.
We dated like a month and a half before we kissed I think. I seriously thought the boy didn't like me at all and was very very very confused as to why he kept coming around!

- have you tried out for the scrapmojo design team yet?

- Neil gave me the most meaningful gift that anyone has ever given me this week. But I will blog about it later.

- I am insanely excited for both Kara and Dina's upcoming classes. I plan on totally immersing myself in both of them and being the very best student. I usually end up skipping out on online classes, like everything else, but no more!

- Actually, I plan on immersing myself in a lot of things from now on. I'm feeling very brave lately. no more sidelines for me.

- I thought I should address weight loss, since just a few weeks ago I blogged quite an emotional post about it and other things. My road to a smaller waist has, like I anticipated also become a road on learning good habits, health and doing things I don't always want to do because it's good for me. I wasn't ready for how much thought, time and focus would need to go into eating better. But grocery lists and menus don't make themselves. My planner doesn't fill itself out with my todos. I'm trying to stay accountable, because while it's always ok to let things slide once in awhile, every time I just let things go, I'm telling myself I can't do what I say I will. I deserve better. I have lost a little weight, actually, more and more as I stick to it better and better. love that.

- I'm sleepy. Will probably try to catch up on some blog reading and then go to bed. Monday will be a very good day. Because I said so.

- I just looked over at my husband, who's back is to me since he's on the desktop, and he's got his hair pulled back in a low pony tail. he's probably the most beautiful creature I've ever seen.

sunday.

- it's february. it's february???

- all week long i've had a whole bunch of thoughts to blog for today. and now that I'm here, I'm just blank. my mind is pretty fried after today, so this is going to be super short and sweet.

- i love blogging. i love it. one of my goals for this year was to get even more open. not just with myself but with the world. i get mixed reviews on it, but that's not really the point, how everyone else feels about it. it's totally just for me. and every single time i get a comment, i cherish them all. i love the thoughts, the cheers, the trading of opinions. it's really been filling my heart lately.

- I do want to say - I know sometimes I post heavier topics and people will think what they want BUT i truly don't do it for sympathy or attention. I really just like to sort of type things out and in a way, type out loud. I like thinking someone else may relate. I certainly don't think I'm alone in anything I've gone through or feel. which is why I really feel the need to share. It feels better. These kinds of conversations and posts just feel right to me.

- lastly - i really love this new commercial for the blackberry flip phone. "my butt just hung up on you. sorry."
oh yes.

sunday.

- I can't believe I've kept this up all month. I've kinda always intended to do this, and now that I have I never imagined I would actually stick with it. reminding myself in my planner every Sunday has helped.

- Just like.... 20 minutes ago while surfing around on Craftster, I found this amazing link to a knit pattern for gloves similar to the ones Bella wears in the movie Twilight. Twilight love or not, those are some pretty awesome gloves. I'm wondering what the knitting skill level on those would be.... I've just started playing with it again. For those of you non-knitters I also found them available for purchase here.

- Don't you love days where nothing special at all is meant to happen and then some tiny thing happens and your heart just fills and bursts? I mentioned a couple posts ago that blog friend made me cry.

I'm not really someone that cries over this type of thing (Don't get me wrong, I'm a crybaby, just not when I should be!). People do nice things for me ALL THE TIME and I know they must think I'm some freak over my lack of ability to show the proper emotions. So I was so surprised with myself when I opened this unexpected letter and found this. I read it, flipped it, read it, flipped it, over and over and I just started tearing up!
I think especially right now, with what I've been feeling and what I'm trying to do for myself.... my nerves and emotions feel pretty raw. This caught me off guard in the best way possible.
So, Kayla, thank you. a million times thank you! And you really should know that this was insanely kind and appreciated so much!

- This little note was added to a collection I've started on my bathroom wall. With positive quotes, thoughts and photos. It was kinda cool to add a little something from someone else in there - helping to reinforce the thought that I am cared about!

- Neil and I watched the movie Step Brothers yesterday. It wasn't bad. Stupid funny, but not awful or anything. We watched the movie Frequency today, which I had never seen. It was really nice. Movies with really strong family ties like that always make me think I may want to have kids some day. To create those kinds of bonds for myself. But I did say "may" and "someday" didn't I?

- Still plugging away at my word - Focus. Been really fine tuning my day to day. Getting a ton of use out of my planner and calender. I never realized what a list person I am. I should have known though. I was the girl who made a todo list of things to do to get ready for the homecoming dance or prom. (yeah, items like, shave legs or paint my nails, ha!) I have always felt better to get things out of my head and on a list. I've started getting very in depth with my days. Writing down everything I need to do, with estimated amounts of time.... crazy. But it's HELPING. I finally feel like I may start getting ahead with some things. yay.

- had lunch with my grandma and aunt today. that is always a very good thing.

- I need to squeeze in a little reading time now. another yay.

sunday.

- Lars and the Real Girl is a fantastic movie. It was just so sweet and perfect. And it made me feel better about some things on my mind.

- Am I the only person in the whole wide world who didn't really enjoy Burn After Reading? I just... idunno. I couldn't get into it for one thing and it just wasn't very interesting to me. Even with everything going on. I was really looking forward to it too!

- I bought a bottle of Zum Mist and some Zum Bar soap in patchouli the other day. I got the mist for the house since I wanted something to spray but can't deal with febreze type products. And the soap was for Neil. Well... after he got out of the shower the first time using it I couldn't get over how freaking amazing he smelled! The mist is also body spray and I've convinced him to start wearing it since he ran out of his usual cologne.
I can't get over how good he smells. It's so earthy and yummy and a tad hippie and yeah.... ahem.
It's just dang good.
Gotta love that this stuff is straight from KC too.

- On Thursday I text Neil while he was at school and said "come home, I miss your hippie smell." He wrote back "and probably my hippie hair too." Well.... yeah.

- I always complain about how Neil eats. For the most part, he eats one thing at a time. Usually his veggies, then the potatoes or what have you and then his meat. And he'll have a salad bowl or something else to the side and he will either eat it all first or save it for last. It drives me crazy! But then yesterday I realized that I eat in a circle. One bite of each thing, around and around. I keep everything in even amounts until the last bite. Either Neil hasn't caught onto this yet OR he has and is just nicer than I am (probably that one.). Serious relationships are the weirdest thing I've ever dealt with in life. I always expected I would have this other person to analyze and study. I was not expecting him to make me more aware of myself at the same time.
or having to pick up men's underwear on a daily basis. I don't mind (no really, I'm not that wife who complains about that kind of stuff, I'm pretty sure, no, I know, he does odd jobs for me too)... but when you think about it on the large scale of what you always thought your life would be? Yeah, not in the top 20.

- Doesn't someone... anyone want to do this with me? Doesn't it just look amazing? I think I need it to be honest.

- Wakarusa is in Arkansas this year. I have always always always wanted to go.... Neil and I are always so tempted but I still wish we had a couple who would come with us, that would be insanely fun.

- does anyone else spend so much time on the computer that words start to look really funny or wrong to them? I just typed the word "betting" into twitter and had to google it to make sure I was spelling and using it right. geesh.

- I am very much enjoying this. you should join me.

sunday.

- I can't get the song "that's not my name" by The Ting Tings out of my head.

- I finally paid off my library debts, unblocked my account and now have access to library books again! woooh!
I owed them $21. bet you didn't know that was possible but oh YES it really is. I'm awful about keeping books and sometimes forgetting I even have them. They actually had marked them as lost in the system and were charging me the cover price for each book. Luckily when I returned them that all changed and just fines were due. fun fun. Lesson learned? hopefully. I'm actually hoping more that some of my new organizing systems will help me avoid doing it again.

- this week I have had to clean up a hair ball and cat pee (that one was my fault not theirs - gotta stay on top of that litter box!) off my bathroom floor. I actually handwash my floors believe it or not. I'm just not all that crazy about mopping and I think swifers and all their chemicals and waste = evil. I don't mind. I don't feel like cinderella either. Actually, it's a great way to get out some anger! Same goes for tub scrubbing.

- therapy was ----- eeeosnoceathopnonaceacdrblipblipblip. That's about the only way I can describe it. It's just.... when you work on this stuff, you figure things out, you learn reasons why. And it's really validating and it gives you knowledge BUT it can also really throw you for a loop. I will say this over and over. It's HEAVY.

- I tried brussel sprouts for the first time this week. I like them! Taste fine to me.

- Was driving home and saw an F350 stretch limo. Wha wha wha? why? uggrrrghhrrgh. that's all I could think.

- Yesterday I scored one of these at Micheal's for half off. They hold a ton of stuff! Been wanting one for ages....

- I will be picking a winner for the book giveaway tomorrow - so there is still time to comment if anyone else is interested!

- I love this post by heyjenrenee. love it.

- I've been seeing lots of twilight love here and there. every time I want to comment "thank you for being so much braver than I!!!" But why should I care really? I LOVE Twilight. I still haven't picked up another book since I finished them because I just want to keep it on my mind. And I loved the movie. Can't I just love things because I love them? Not because they are considered great, amazing, intelligent works of film, fiction, literature, art, whatever?? Can't I just like what I like?
Yes, yes I can. And I will. And I will never not express my appreciation for them again.
I've said it before - I dislike snobs. I will not be afraid of them!

(As a sidenote, I want to give HUGE thanks and HUGS to all the amazing comments and emails on my 01.05 post. I wasn't so sure about that post and many times I wanted to take it down. Sometimes I want this blog to just be pretty, surface stuff. Crafts, scrapbooking, silly photos, etc. But that's not my life. And I can't always hide behind veiled statements and pretty things. I want this blog to be much more of a reflection of ME - all of me. Not parts. So thanks to everyone, for everything. Seriously, every word touched my heart so much.)

sunday.

Thoughts from the week:

- I finally did a little scrapbooking for the upcoming ScrapMojo prompt. It took me six hours. The fact that I am out of gel medium didn't help but it mostly was just.... I hated everything I did!

- Neil and I are addicted to a pizza restaurant in Lee's Summit called SPIN! Neapolitan Pizza. Their pizzas are AMAZING. Yummy flatbread crust, amazing toppings like chicken and goat cheese or portabello and crimini mushrooms. Neil likes the chicken and pancetta. They have a mini pizza and salad combo that is just the perfect meal. Their big salads are good as a meal too. Oh and the soup.... gee golly. AND they serve gelato!!
Definitely not a very tummy friendly meal, lots of bread and dairy but it's such a nice fresh treat. Not junk foodish at all. I've made it out each time without an incident, and I'm sure the fresher ingredients help but I couldn't do it more than every couple weeks or once a month.
Good thing I'm not celiac!
Yesterday I had the 8 color salad and the mushroom pizza... mmmmm... a perfect veggie meal.

- Had a major emotional meltdown yesterday and worried my husband. Well, actually I had two. Almost forgot about the one in the morning. I hate feeling crazy. And I hate when people forget that sometimes they too have bad days. That they have been scared or worried before. I am so grateful for Neil though, he just never sees what I'm always afraid he's going to see. I can only hope that's because it isn't who I am.

- I can't wait until my hair grows out. Have I mentioned that before?

- New Year's Eve was uneventful. So uneventful that I fell asleep at 11:30 thanks to my cold medicine. Didn't even get to have any sparkling cider. Neil came to bed at 4:45 even though my brother had stopped playing xbox and crashed about 3:30. They spend all of New Year's day continuing to play on the xbox. Geesh.

- If I don't get up early enough and get the pets feed, Tobey jumps on my head and starts pulling my hair with his teeth. So much fun brushing it after that.

that is all.

sunday.

I said I probably wouldn't be blogging again until the 1st or after but I'm a big fat liar!

Thoughts for Sunday:

- I've officially broke down and lost all willpower to not eat junk. Neil and I both admitted to feeling pretty crappy today after days of awful eating. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow due to the fact that the junk, leftovers and candy has mostly disappeared and will no longer be an option. Though, I really should have more willpower.

- my photo printer is messing up bad. boo. I think I've found a replacement just need to come up with funds. of course. this may mean no scrapping for a couple weeks unless I want to drag my butt up to HyVee. I've been making some backgrounds for later but I'm starting to get antsy.

- I plan on blogging A LOT in the next few days. I feel like I've neglected my blog and my thoughts due to my own censoring or just laziness. I don't keep a written journal as much as I visually journal and I want my blog to help me capture more of my day to day. Even if others don't like my opinions - I have stuff to say!

- I want to start being more open and honest about my faults. I don't want to be horribly self depricating or anything, but I feel like the only way I can grow and change what I want to change is to stop hiding so much and keeping things from myself.

- Cherry cordial kisses are best eaten frozen.

that's all for now.