That's pretty much 2009, except it was also on steroids. 2008 was actually, pretty tame. Pretty casual. And actually, if we had been paying attention, it would have been lessons learned, and the knowledge to be smarter in the future.
When 2009 first started I felt a bit off anyways, a bit tired of the general direction I could feel things heading toward. I didn't work very hard at all to change course though. I just sort of.... did everything quick, easy, without much consideration for the future and without much patience.
I almost feel like much of 2009 was a direct result of not paying attention to things that happened in 2008.
(It is really annoying me to talk about years like this, bear with me, I'll move on from it soon.)
There were events, like Steven's death, or Neil being laid off, that came out of nowhere and could not have been helped or changed. But they were compacted in with things that were very much our responsibility. Our mistakes. Which made it all that much harder.
We were not prepared in any way whatsofreakingever for Neil to be out of work for four months. In fact, just the opposite, we were in the worst place possible for that to happen. We had taken some huge risks and made some impulsive changes out of impatience and without any careful consideration.
We had no idea, when he would go back to work. We didn't know it would be four months.
So when he did, of course, we were elated.
But I have to say, in some of the conversations right after we got the news... we had to admit our embarrassment.
I have gotten emails from people who themselves or their husbands have been out of work six months. a year. two years. wow. I can't even imagine. I can't even wrap my mind around it. And for anyone in that place to email me and tell me to hang in there.... again, wow.
It is the nature of my husband's work to once in awhile be laid off. A couple weeks, a month, six weeks, it's actually common. With the economy the way it is right now, it's even more common. Four months... kinda sucky, but it can happen to some. It happened to us. and we very well knew it could. And to be honest, we could have been much more prepared. It's a bit embarrassing, and a bit frustrating that this had to happen for us to put a plan in place. To save money properly. To take precaution and be careful. To consider the future.
Anyways, I could go on and on here. This event, Neil's loss of work and all that happened because of it and around it .... I feel like it defined me for awhile. It should have been a difficulty, yes. But it shouldn't have been our whole lives.... it shouldn't have been something that took over as much as it did. It was the only thought, for so many days. A disbelief and a sorrow that I haven't ever dealt with before.
I don't want this to sound like I'm beating myself up. Neil and I are quite young... we're growing up together, and so the mistakes are doubled some days, as are the triumphs. Sometimes we're the angels on each others shoulders and sometimes we're the devils, pushing each other into good and bad.
I'm really proud of us. We got so angry. So full of saddness and confusion. We battled and blamed and picked each other apart. But we did it together, we never wavered. And we pushed through it. And we helped each other to heal and learn.
For those of you still dealing with this wicked economy, job loss, low income... all of it. You have to know that I think of you all every single day. And I hope that a strong wind brings about change for you all.
If that same wind ever blows back in the other direction for us, I hope we are better prepared for it. We understand it a little more. That it is just a difficulty, but not at all our entire life.
I feel so much better than I did when 2009 started. I feel a bit wise and very well taught. :)
I feel like my life, is my responsibility. That I am in control of much more than I realized before and that I can make positive changes in my life's direction no matter what happens outside of that control. That I have choices.