I took this Sunday. Inspired by this Tara Whitney post, so I did it. A little bit after waking up, not much done here, just desaturated and pulled out the icky yellow tones from the bathroom.
I got my eyebrow pierced last Saturday. a few hours after we got the news about Steven actually. We got home from the hospital, Neil still had to go do a side job and I realized, what would I do? I would sit at home, and pace, or waste time online. Nothing productive. I would worry about Neil. I would ignore grief.
So I called my aunt, filled her in and let her whisk me away for a day with my grandma.
We ate breakfast. We considered our options afterwards. And then my grandma suggested it was time to get my birthday present. A few weeks ago, before my birthday, my grandma text me and let me know she wanted to take me to get either my first tattoo or piercing (I'd been considering my nose for a long time, to match her and my cousin) for my birthday. You just have to know my grandma I guess.
And so, Saturday, she said, lets go do it.
And I thought, what the hell.
And so, we went to a little shop, and a guy named Harold did it.
It was actually... pretty amazing feeling. if that makes sense.
My sister in law was up earlier in the week, and she's got her eyebrow pierced and when I saw it, I knew - that's what I wanted. I love it. I'm glad I did it. It was the time to do it I think. I always tend to put these things off... I put everything off.
Been getting a lot of rain lately.
In our heads, in our hearts, right outside the windows. Smacking us in the face during the errands we needed to run before the funeral.
This week has been surreal. Weird. Foreign. Familiar. I was never really sure where to tread, or what to say or express. But I had to. You have to sometimes. I had to put aside every damn quirk and exist simply to provide whatever Neil needed. That's a funny place to be in for a few days, you just go and you just do and you just help. Yesterday, after the funeral felt the oddest. I felt very weird about all of it. And very full of all sorts of things I hadn't given myself time or energy to deal with before. Today it has all lessened, and tomorrow it will be even less than that. Yesterday I really felt very alarmed. Today I mostly just feel like, well, sometimes very bad things happen.
I'm hoping tomorrow I can maybe imagine and remember that very good things happen sometimes too.
(title lyrics - manchester orchestra - i've got friends)